I have been in your shoes. I put on a great show for others for a long time. I didn't remember much of my past and thought that was normal for everybody. I was the Go-To person if you needed anything done. I tried to be the Best at everything I did because I craved some validation that I was normal. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, so I became the perfect chameleon.

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I tried to be the best wife, the best Mom, Daughter, Sister, Boss, Employee, Student, and whatever else others needed me to be. I kept up the façade for many years during my early years of my Christianity and Seminary. I believed everything I was taught without much questioning until the day I broke down.

 

I can’t pinpoint what event set me off. but I went into a deep state of depression and could not climb out on my own. Everything I knew came from books or from fantasy hero’s I made up in my mind.  I felt like I wanted to die, but part of me wanted to live. Flashbacks came flooding in and nightmares haunted me every night. The cries within me started out slow but became louder over time. The emotional pain became unbearable and I had to do something to get relief.

 

I went to several therapists and Christian Counselors, but they did not seem to have a clue of what I was experiencing. They went by the same books I was taught, and I realized then just how useless the wisdom of the world is without some experience to back it up. It was time to act and face the darkness within. It was through that valley of death that I found recovery and resurrection. It was facing the untruths and darkness that finally set me free.